I have three major fears in life:
- Cow dung
- Growing old
Let me elaborate on each topic…
Fear # 1 – Spiders
Lot’s of people have arachnophobia. That’s no secret. And really, I have (or thought I had) a very mild case of this fear. Turns out, I can still scream like a little girl. The other day, Maxwell is on his swing set going up and down the slide. He’s a very good slider! While he was busy, I walk over to the fence that separates the swings from the pool. See, there’s a pretty good sized sticker patch there that I have been watching like a hawk, picking every sticker that grows and laying it to rest in the dumpster, spraying roundup… all that jazz. So like I said, I walk over to it, bend down and land my head into a spider web that reminds me of that from The Lord of the Rings. You remember, when Frodo gets tangled up and left for dead in that gargantuan spider web? Yeah, that was me. THEN I saw the spider. ((deep breath)) It hauls ass up it’s web into the pecan tree. I could still see it. It was THAT big! It reminds me of a Far Side cartoon from long ago. Maybe some of you will remember it…
I know it’s a bit small, but get out your reading glasses. Never too proud (or old… we’re all losing our eyesight) to appreciate a Far Side Comic.
I do need to tell you that I saw that same spider two other times before I was able to kill it dead! Such relief I had after he was terminated. Whew….
Okay, fear #2….. Cow dung.
Yes, that’s right. I could call it something else, (I would if we were in person) but for now I will say “dung”. So here’s the story. A friend of mine and I were driving southbound on I-35. We were just outside of Ardmore, and like you all know… there was road construction in that area. So we had to detour all the way through that lonely town. While the traffic was stopping and going and stopping and going, there was a cattle truck on our right. (I was in the passenger seat, window down, wind in my hair…very Doris Day-like in Pillow Talk) So suddenly, the cattle truck slammed it’s brakes. Cows were shifting, we were braking too. And then…… I turned to the driver and said (with great concern), “There is something on my neck!” yes, you guessed it. He was cracking up asking where the camera was. I was FREAKING out, asking where the wet wipes were. I had cow-poo in my hair and on my neck AND all over the side of the car. We still had eight hours to go in the car. ((sigh)). Now— when I see a cattle truck, I nervously speed pass them, windows tightly closed, hardly breathing.
A side note to this story is I told my bff Misti this on our way to Austin years ago. She laughed her ass off and made fun of me. We get to the outside music festival that was our destination, and I noticed something on her back while we were in line for MORE beer. I whisper to her, “remind me to tell you something in a minute.” Two hours later, she reminds me.. “oh yeah“, I said, “you have bird sh!t on your back.” Karma, people… Karma.
Fear #3…. Growing old
Lastly, I’ve always feared growing old. I’ve seen what age can do to a person. Sometimes it creeps on gracefully, other times it attacks like a lion. Either way, I hope to go the graceful battle. I think the strange part about aging is, even at 34, I still feel like that insecure girl of 13 on most days. But here I am, a mother of two, a wife, friend to many…. I am certainly a Jane of all trades… yet a master of none. I truly believe laughter, and especially laughing at yourself, is the only way to grow old gracefully. Here’s a few more Far Sides that (to me) represent the road of life…. Enjoy, and please laugh!!!
Once you meet your mate, you try taking the “road not taken”. Come on, we all tried. Right?
Once you get off the beaten path, you hope for children.
But all and all… we all have to think about the end..